Celebrating Marvins life...July 17th, 2010

Today at 11:00 AM ( USA Central Standard Time) we will celebrate the life of my dearest Husband Marvin. I will be surrounded by our children, family and many friends. We have a beautiful service planned for him. Doing it just as we had talked about. Just as he crossed over his way...at home looking out his favorite window looking over the porch and garden we created together. He passed at peace in our daughter Angi, son Justin and my arms. He did it his way and in God's time. He did it with dignity, grace ,tremendous strength and peacefully. What more could any of us ask for? Thanking our Hospice team from the bottom of our hearts. You made his wishes possible and gave the family and I such support and with tender loving care.

After we lay him to rest the family and I must then begin to try to live without him. How will we do it ? One day,one moment at a time and together. Supporting and loving each other. I love you babies and we will get through this !! ALWAYS...Momma

You are gone but not forgotten Honey.. never !!

Always and forever your loving wife...

Kris

Update link

Please visit Marvin's carepages for the latest updates. I simply can not share it over and over again. Thank you my friends !! Hugs !!

www.carepages.com/marvinthomas/

Heart Break !!

Hello dear blog !

My heart is breaking. How do I even enter this? One word.. one breath at a time Kristy !! Ok friends and family here I go... This past Thursday we received some of the hardest news I have ever heard. Marvin's cancer has spread to his ribs and spine ! We have chosen no more treatments,texts, etc. We now have Hospice in place and begin our journey through the end of his life here on earth . I have no idea how we will get through this.. except by God's grace and the love and support of family and our amazing friends all over the world. We are blessed having each of you as we walk this path. I am still a bit in shock and have no idea how I got through making the decisions that we did. But.. I did and I will continue to stand by My dear Husband to the end and hold him when he leaves this earth and goes to a far better place ! Oh.. tears again !!

Marvin is amazing to me. He is still standing tall in his faith. He is still trying to protect me. Still telling me how much he loves me and is so worried about me . How he can do this is beyond any love I have ever known. But I am eternally grateful for the love we have shared and the blessing he is in my life. I love you Honey !!! More tears.... uhhh...

My art is scattered and just has no life at this time. I guess it is showing my heart.. dark, sad,lost,confused,afraid,full of tears and pain. Oh.. please take this pain away. Please!!!

To all of my amazing online friends at Flickr and Facebook... you ROCK !!! You will never know how much your emails mean to me. Each of you have given us a piece of your heart and encouraged us with your love and support. I may not be around as much , but I am here where I should be... at Marvin's side and doing everything I can to bring him joy and ease his pain.

Hugs and love to you all !!!
Kristy

This journey is beating me down !!

Hello friends and family !

I don't have any art to post today, just a note from my heart ! I am being beaten down with all that is going on with my dear Marvin . His pain is 24/7 now. Yesterday was another day seeing his Dr's. They have upped his Morphine and added a few others to help with other issues he now must deal with . Praying that these changes will give him better relief and sleep. That would be a blessing for both of us ! He took a fall 2 weeks ago and we ended up back in the hospital. Pneumonia in both lungs and a bowl obstruction ! Poor dear man ! Now the Dr's fear that it may be tumors popping up and not pneumonia ! Oh dear Lord.. please NO! So we will be coming back to KC for another MRI and pray for NO MORE TUMORS !

I am worn out at best. I also stopped smoking... what a stupid idea while going through this, but... I did it! Gag at the thought of them now ! Yeah me !! LOL!! I had a bad spell with depression, anger,frustration and just plain not giving a hoot ! But, I am blessed to have a dear BFF that has big shoulders to let me cry and scream til we laugh! Thanks Sis !! My son, Justin has been a rock as well. I am so proud of you sweetie you know how much I love you... always and forever! I have not been playing of FB or drawing at all... so you know I have been down and out ! That is just unheard of... lol !! But here I am at least posting to my blog and to his carepages...which is www.carepages.com then enter MarvinThomas to catch any updates or read all about this journey. If you know any caregivers or someone dealing with Mesothelioma this is a great place where we have posted about our journey .

It is nearly 4 am so I guess I had better try and get some rest. He just layed back down so going to go cuddle in with him .

Take care my friends.... miss you all at flickr so much.. praying things will get back on track or I get the help I am praying for !!! Hugs to all...
Kristy...aka..Rose Twofeather

Zentangle from this weekend

Here is my tangle from this weekend. You have seen the one of my husband, Marvin's hand. I am doing one of each of our children and grandchildren as well in this Journal. I hope to do the grand babies, Connor and Trinity, each year on their birthday. Someone on Flickr had a great idea that I am going to try to do. To create a collage of sorts for each of the kids and their family and have it framed. as a gift. I love this idea and the kids were so tickled just seeing Marvin's complete.

I tried to do mine with a few lacier patterns in comparison to Marvin's . His seems to have a more masculine feel as I hoped it would. He just laughed when I said that saying " Well sure it looks more feminine it has PINK in it !" Pink being my favorite color ! LOL!! I added my son ,Justin Ryan's name in the heart and my Daughter Jessika Rose that never lived a day. Marvin's daughter and son are my children as well . I hate using the word Step children, they are mine now ! They call me Momma ! LOL!! I am praying hard for a new grand baby to come into my Son and his wife Angie's life . Then it will be a challenge tangling on a little tiny hand ! LOL! Can't wait !

I had better get to bed I know that Marvin will be up and down again tonight. Thank you for stopping by and leaving words of encouragement. That means so much to me .

Hugs to all,
Kristy

aka... Rose Twofeather at Flickr

LIfe and it's daily Challenges

This Zentangle is to honor Marvin and our love. Titled "King of my Heart "


I feel the need to blog . To share the challenges we are facing today. I am finding each day with Marvin's Cancer a bit more challenging. The latest is he is having more difficulty breathing. He wakes up in a panic unable to catch his breath. Just walking from the van to our house winds him. It is so sad to see this strong ,vibrant man be so out of control of his life. I spend many hours in tears as he rests. My own health is suffering and to be honest I am exhausted! We spent 3 days at our daughter, Angi's with her hubby, Jason and our grand babies, Connor and Trinity. That was a wonderful break for me as Angi is an RN so I could relax and let her take care of Daddy for a while. He of course lights up like a Christmas tree being there and spending time with them. As do I ! It was Trinity's 3rd birthday so it was a lot of fun seeing her so excited and happy. Connor is a special needs child and has so many challenges, but he loves his Poppy and Meme. For whatever reason he is so good with me and calms easily when I hold him and sing to him to calm him. He is 6 but can not speak, well anything you can understand, he will probably always be in diapers and has many physical challenges. But he is a fighter and keeps surprising us with new ways to get his point across. You could not find a more loving child that blesses our socks off each time we are together. Poppy and Meme love you so much Connor and Trinity !!!

I am in turmoil as to what the next step in Marvin's care will be. Bring in Hospice, private home health care ? He does not like having his space invaded by nursing staff. We had home health care before and he just did not like having them here ! But I can no longer do it all. Whinnnnnnnn... yes I am ! I know that I will find the right thing to do when I talk to his case manager again on Monday. I am just loosing sleep over this and wearing myself down with worries. I do have a strong faith and I know that all will happen for a reason . I am just not understanding why Bad things happen to good people. Talked to our Pastor and even he had no good answers to comfort me or make any sense of it ! Uggggg... I guess if we knew what the future was going to dole out we would probably just say... Nope can't deal with that.. I want outta here !! LOL!!! Trying to lighten up this blog entry.. not working so well is it ?

I am also saddened that so many of our friends just stay away. They don't know what to say so they just stay away and don't say anything. I am blessed to have made many new friends that are a great source of comfort and inspiration through my art on flickr. http://www.flickr.com/photos/rose-twofeather/

Thank you all for being there and for all the encouraging letters and comments on my artwork. I am deeply grateful for each of you ! You rock my world !!!

It is time I get off this computer and go do just that.. create a new piece of art ! Love doing that and sharing with others.

Hugs to you all.....

Kristy

My Tangle of the day.. ok last two days !

Hello all !

I just wanted to post the tangle I have been working on for the last 2 days. I have to do it off and on as I am dealing with a lot of pain and trying to keep up with caring for Marvin . Speaking of him, please if you are a praying person, say a prayer for him to have some relief tonight (Monday April 19th, 2010) . We have been up and down all hours of the night and day for the last 4-5 days and I am wearing out ! They upped us Morphine today so I pray that will take care of it for a while . What a journey this has been !

Today's Tangle is of Marvin's left hand. I love his hands and want to always remember them. I think I scanned this and it is on it's side, but in the text that is in the journal it says how I love his hands and how they have held me, touched me, picked me up, wiped away a million tears and created so many beautiful things that make our house our home. He is a master furniture builder and does wonderful work without even making a pattern. Just gets a thought in his head and gets the wood to create it and off he goes ! AMAZING !!! Anyway, he bought me a new 8x5 1/4 Moleskine Sketchbook Journal. I love it to pieces ! In the Flickr Zentangle group several of the ladies have Zentangled in their hand print. I loved the idea but wanted to do his hand first ! He thought I had lost my mind when I first had him lay his hand in the opened journal and proceeded to lightly draw around his hand with a pencil !!! I just said " Please just sit still Honey, I will show you later what I am doing with it !" He just smiled at me and said "Ok Honey..whatever makes you happy !!" Gotta love this man ! hehehe !! He got such a kick out of watching me tangle on his hand and is really proud of what I did with it. I am too and I do not say that about my own artwork often. Well, I am my own worst critic and have battled that stinking thinking from the past "I'm not good enough... etc... ! " So I am learning to accept what I have done as good enough for today. Tomorrow I will learn more and have had more practice in Zentangle.

So here it is.. or up there it is.. I can't remember ! LOL!!! Thanks for stopping by and visit often. I hope to do more with my blogspot as time allows.

Hugs to all... Kristy.. aka Rose Twofeather at FLickr