Life changing moments.....

Here I am... just me.. the crazy, wacky blonde chick !! Saying that is very freeing to me. I like me.. I'm ok ! Really... I am ok !! Ok Kris where are you going with this especially with the title to this post?? lol !! Ok friends hang on....Here we go... It has been a little over 21 months since my dear Husband Marvin passed away. Somedays it feels like yesterday, others like it's been forever. I have done some really crazy things since his passing. Trying to find my way as a relatively young widow..Cough.. 55 ! lol !! I have dated, found love...and he passed away... did online dating.. NIGHTMARE ( A whole other volume could be written about this ) But I won't bore you with all of that ! The point is... through all of this I have finally had so many AHH HAA moments. Life lessons, trials, heartache and pain. The latest and best is that I finally realize I don't need a man to make me happy. To live happily ever after !! I don't !! (FOR THE SENSITIVE READERS>>>PASS THIS PARAGRAPH)... I was molested as a child,by a neighbor that I thought was doing this to me because he loved me! I know.. crazy... but I know it happens to many that have bee molested during their childhood. I am also a victim of Rape as a adult. I have been to endless hours of counseling. Making what I thought were huge strides in overcoming that mentallity. OOps...Not so fast Kris !! ) So...on to my ahh haa moment... After the NIGHTMARE of Online dating... I realized I was doing it again... I was looking for love in all the wrong places !!! I got it so wrong again from being so lonely !! I have realized that I had the best with Marvin. I know what true love is. More than some people ever have. I am blessed !! He did not leave me by his choice, he left me because God needed a handsome carpeter, wise, loving man in heaven . He loved me completely, through so many health issues with me. Through trips to the hospital, to the therapist, to mental health appointments. He loved me just as it said through our wedding vows, In sickness and in health. I am so grateful to be his wife... Yes I feel I am still his wife !! I miss him terribly... but I know he is watching over me... always . I know he died in my arms, loving me... his forever Kris... his wife. I realized that my need to be loved took over again... but that is not what I need in my life. I need for the first time in my life... to love me ! To spend time with me.. with God... with my family and friends... doing what I love. Experiencing things I am now dreaming of. Yes... I am finally dreaming again !! I am writing and creating in my art journal daily... if not several times a day. I also realize I have spent so much time and money on art classes of every kind trying to be like______ !! I don't want that anymore !! I WANT TO CREATE FROM MY HEART, NOT LIKE SUZZY OR BETH OR.....!!! I want to dress the way I like.. I dont care whats in style... I'm me and that OK !! I am enough... I am good enough... I am beautiful, loving, giving , kind me !! I am creative, I am so loved... I AM SO BLESSED !!! I am moving forward with leaving the farm and living closer to my son and his wife. I'm ready for the next chapter of this life journey !! WATCH OUT WORLD.. HERE I COME.......WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.....

My Intentions for life.....

Hello Beautiful Blogland, beautiful friends and family ! Yes.. I am alive !! lol!! I am finally here to post something on my forgotten blog, not really forgotten, just havent known what to share. My life went into another tail spin. Long story short... I met a man, turns out he was a conman.. drained my bank account and left me standing at the airport with my sign ! Enough said !! I will say this.. it was a HUGE life lesson !! As my dear son, Justin, says..." Momma.. all that you have gone through in your life, it has only made you stonger and the amazing Momma and woman you are today !!" I sure did something right raising him to become the wonderful man, husband, teacher, son, friend that he is. I love you Justin Ryan... with all I am !! I layed around for days licking my wounds so to speak. During the quiet time of tears, turning off my cell phone, prayer and reflection I have come to a HUGE decision about what I want for my life. I am putting my intentions out there for the world to hear. It is time I leave the farm Marvin and I have lived on for 16 years. After his death in July of 2010 I swore I would die in this old house on this farm... alone. So much more has happened but I wont bore you with all that ! lol !! When Marvin passed away my hopes and dreams died with him. Through my withdrawl from the world I realized those were our hopes, our dreams.. not mine alone ! (AHHH HAAA MOMENT) ! So I gathered paper and pen and began brainstorming about what I want for my life to be without him. What I am passionate about? What do I want with the rest of my journey on this earth? Where do I really want to be living? Who do I need to be near? What would make me happy? So... this is what I have discovered through days and weeks of soul searching... MY INTENTIONS... 1. IT is time to sell the farm and move down to be closer to my only child , Justin, and his wife. ITS TIME !! 2. I don't need a man to make me happy... I had true love, more than some people ever have. It's time for me to have a home that is full of what I love, what makes me happy and comfortable. 3. It's time to put my art out there ! For the past 15 months I have taken so many online art courses. Trying to find the medium and style I love to work on. I caught my self trying to copy someone elses style.. WRONG !! Out of the blue I got an email from a sweet woman that had stumbled on my blog. She took the time to stop surfing and send me a private email encouraging me to start blogging again. She saw my style.. MY STYLE... in the few pieces I have shared here. Thank you so much Connie !! So, Since that email I have been working in my handbound art journal everyday, sometimes several times a day. Now I have been asked to be a part of an artshow and sale. I am so excited !! I am taking this chance to put myself, my art and my world out there !! 4. I have a list of places that I want to travel to and spend time. I am going to make it happen !! Don't know where at this moment, I have to narrow it down... But I will be traveling to do something I have always wanted to do !!! Wooop wooop !!! 5. I am going to re-learn ( Is that even a word? lol !) playing guitar. I bought myself a brand new accoustic and I am going to play and sing again !! La la la lala la !! LOL!! 6. I am going to dream BIG... I am going to FLY again !!! My wings may have been clipped by the circumstances of my life.. but baby.. hang on.. cause this girl is ready to fly on the winds of life and make her dreams come true ! MY DREAMS !!! 7. I am going to spend time in prayer and meditation daily. Drawing closer to the Creator ! 8. I am going to listen to my body and care for it better. ( I have lost 84 pounds in 8 months !! One more size and I will be back to what I wore in high school !! Woo hoo!! ) I live with daily pain from my spinal issues. That is part of my life. All I have left is to an extreme surgery that would require months and months of rehab. Been to specialist after specialist all coming to the same conclusion. Im not ready to be down for such a long time. So my primary care Dr and I agree... there will come a time where the numbness I have come and go in my left side with always be there. There will come a time when I will lose control of my bowel and bladder. That time has not come.. so I will do what I can to keep going until that time comes. Maybe by then there will be a new answer to my disabling Spinal issues. So self care !! 9. I am going to love my family and friends and cherish every moment we have together!! 10. I am going to start blogging once a week for now and more frequently if needed. These are a few of the intentions I am sending to God, our Creator, and to the world.. sending them on the wind of blogland !! Thank you for sitting through this long post! Thank you for being here and listening !! Hugs to all......... Kristy... aka Rosie... Rose Twofeather

Surprise....What I've been up to !!

Surprise !! As you can tell by my lack if posts, that I have been busy doing many things. So here we go...my life in a nut shell !!
1. I have been going through my house room by room rearranging,sorting,getting rid of or finally trashing things that I really do not need or want anymore ! Whew !!
2. After all the rearranging and cleaning... Some wonderful friends helped me set up my new art studio !! Yahoo !!! I love it !! It is by no means a big fancy studio. It is actually in the old parlor of my old house. But it is great to work in !!
3. I have been working on a relationship. Enough said for now !! LOL!!
4. I have been hand binding several art journals. I love doing these !! Addicting shall I say ! Lol !!
5. I have been filling those art journals with what makes me happy. Some are mixed media, others are my drawings. Playing with colors for bigger finished works of art. Love , love, love !!
6. I have hand bound a journal expecially for a brave young 15 year old girl who is battling cancer. This is leading me to think about a not for profit organization to supply these journals to patients battiling cancer. I would love to start with the center Marvin was treated at. So... working on gathering the info to do that !!
7. Dealing with a lot of physical pain. My neck is a mess so had been getting injections... til it stopped working and they hit a nerve ! Ugg!! So... dealing with medications for neck and spine. Plus the fibromyalgia flair ups ! Holy cow !! But... art heals !! It has saved me from running out in front of a semi ! lol!!
Soooooooooooooooo.....today I am debuting my collection of what I call my " Healing Hearts Collection"....da dum.... Drum roll please !!!

So there are pictures of my Healing Hearts Collection. I would love any feedback !! Really I would !!!

I am off to play with the fur babies before the storm comes in !!

Til then...
Hugs....
Kristy

Big giveaway !!!

Wooo hoo !! One of my favorite artist friends/teachers is having a huge giveaway !! So ya need to go over to Tam's sight and enter to win one or more of her amazing classes !!

Let me tell you how Tam has touched my life... one she is amazing! She's so talented and funny. Her videos and classes really get you going! She's a young Mum of one adorable little man (Who sometimes appears in her videos) and expecting baby boy #2, all while living with Reumatoid Arthritis !! AMAZING !!

So go on.. hit the button... ya know you want to .... GO !!!




I'll be back for a little more personal blog soon.. working on pics !!
Hugs and blessings...
Kris

I've been away far to long !!

Hello my friends in blog land !! I have been away far too long !! I have been a very busy girl. I have finished Soul Restoration 1 at Brave Girls Club and I am working on SR2. What an amazing journey. Right now I am working in my Life Journal and really working on setting and working on my goals. I have completed one of them... to have a real studio space!!! I have yet to take pictures.. but promise they will come soon. I turned the old front parlor of my old farm house into my studio. I love it as it is right off my living room and has 2 windows that light the space up. The front one looks out onto my front porch and in to the flower garden. Inspiration !!

The second goal was to buy a new Accoustic Guitar and learn to play again. I got myself an awesome guitar with a big sound. I'm picking it up fairly well again. I gave myself a goal to practice 30 minutes a day. I'm doing pretty good...still working on getting fingers calused !! LOL !! OUCH !! But I am so happy making music once again. The end goal.. to play in church and with my friends !!!

Let's see... what else have I been up to? Oh...duhhh... I took my family on vacation ! I rented a log home in the Ozark Mountains just off of Table Rock Lake.

Both the kids and their spouses where there and my 4 year old grand daughter ,Trinity !! Here's a pic of her after we had smores !! LOL!!

It was her first vacation and she had so much fun. That was worth it all !
/ This is a peek at the kitchen/dining area. It was amazing.

We had such a good time.. but it went by way to fast, as all vacations do.

I have been working in my studio a lot. I have been working in several art journals and have hand bound 3 or more journals. I love this process. Again... I will get some pics. Another Goal... to learn to use my camera and take good pictures !! lol !! I have done several whimsical girls in one of them so will get pics of those too ! Just having fun !

Oh... I also went to a youth rodeo with a guy friend to watch 3 of the girls he's taught to ride compete. 2 of them for the first time. It was so fun and exciting seeing kids of all ages compete. Back to my roots ! I have also gone to the ranch to help work with some of the kids. I think I have another goal !! LOL!! This is the ranch where our horses are so I get to see them and love all over them. WE ARE JUST FRIENDS !!!

Well friends... I need to get a shower and get ready for bed. I have missed you all !!! Hope to get some good pics and post again soon !!!

Hugs and blessings.... Kris

A little tough stuff and a whole lotta love

Today I walk through a bit of tough stuff. You know those moments in our life that really change our course in life. For me the toughest moment was 9 months ago today. I lost the love of my life,my best friend,my lover,my darling husband Marvin. 9 months ago he lost his fight to Mesothelioma all to young. He left my children and I here at home and in our arms,tears,joys and fears. How can you find joy in your husband dying in your arms you may ask! Here is what I know for sure... he suffered far to long and far to much. In that moment a peace came over him. The moaning stopped and he was free. Joy came from knowing how much he loved the Lord. He had told so many of his faith. Our pastor was here the week before his passing. He and Marvin had a long talk out on our old front porch. I learned the day of Marvin's Celebration of life service that Pastor Terry asked him if he knew the Lord. One of those things Pastor already knew.. but he had to ask. Pastor told us that day that when he asked Marvin, he smiled his big amazing smile and said "Oh yes Brother Terry. Oh yes I do. I love Him and I know I'll see Jesus face to face." For me the joy came from knowing he would be waiting for me at heaven's door. The joy of knowing he was no longer suffering and was meeting our Jesus face to face. How can you not feel joy? Was it painful? Of course,but the pain of his loss was easier somehow knowing of his faith and knowing he was safe and free. I feel my Marvin now around me. I feel him as a gentle breeze that touches my face when I need it the most. I see him in the pink sunsets,just as God sent me the night of his passing. I see him in every dragonfly that I see or create. I know some of you have not heard that story so I will post just a bit of the dragonfly story...The night before Marvin passed away (actually about 3 a.m.) My 2 grown children were sitting on our front porch with only a soft light on in our gazebo. Angi looked up and said "Momma, Justin look... Look !! There is a huge dragonfly under the porch light. We thought she was crazy. Well.. she was not. There under the light was the biggest,most beautiful dragonfly we had ever seen. Angi said "Wow Momma it's Daddys jet plane coming to take him to heaven!" The night passed with us going in and out and the dragonfly never moved. At 8:11,July 14th,2010, Marvin passed away in our arms. When Hospice arrived we had to leave them with Marvin. We went to the porch and the dragonfly looked at us and flew away. His mission was over. Now in every dragonfly we see our angel. With every message we send to eachother we sign it Dragonfly Kisses.

Ok.. now I just have to share something that so touched my heart today. Leslie over at http://wordsofmeproject.blogspot.com/ so touched me with her post and having me on her list of favorite blogs. She told how my little blog had touched her heart. Wow... Girls.. you just never know who sharing your life experiences may touch another. I am so blessed. So very,very blessed !! Hugs n love to you Leslie !!

So for today...here are a few pics of my Marvin,my amazing family and who knows what else! lol!! Enjoy !!

Our daughter Angi and our grandbabies,Connor and Trinity

Our son Justin

Marvin and Angie on his 54th birthday

My little girls, Angel and Annie

til next time.....
dragonfly kisses and great big hugs...

Finding new hope

Hello my friends !!
I hope you will sit a spell and hang on tight...this could be a long entry. I hope you hang on til the end.
Where do I start? Ok... well I will start with saying I am on an amazing journey. As I posted before I am taking art classes and having a blast. I love when I am in my little studio and have paint,ink,gel medium,watercolors all over me ! lol ! Ok.. well my hands at least. I am at peace when I create my art pieces,work in my art journal and on canvases. On April 5th I began another amazing journey through the Brave Girls Club I belong to. The course is called Soul Restoration. It combines art with a whole lot of soul searching . Just what I needed. I won't go into a lot of details about the course,I'm not supposed to. But I can share this with you . I am finding Hope,peace,joy and understanding. I had a heart to heart with my BFF this weekend and she made me realize that I have been stuck in my grief. Just going through the motions,believing so many lies such as I'm alone and will be for the rest of my life. Or... I'm not good enough because...!! You get the picture. Through just the first week of Soul Restoration I have had a huge breakthrough. I realized that at the center of my issues was this one statement... I am ALONE! It is one of my biggest fears. By clothing myself with that statement it has made me shut people out of my life. Not like myself. Feel so unloved and unlovable. Anxious,angry,depressed.. the list goes on and on. By facing the facts and the fears I am realizing... I am alone by choice ! I have pushed almost everyone but my children away. I have not been going to church since December. Ok I have the last 2 weeks... but ! I have been lost in my grief. Through art journaling,painting and writing I am finding new hope,peace,joy,laughter and so much more. I will share a picture of my art journal entry today.

I don't like the scan of this.. but my Digital camera is having issues ! Anyway.... In the heart on the right I am placing words that I am using to fill the darkness in my heart. Words like So Loved,Joy,Laughter,Peace,Beautiful,Happiness,Creative,Inspired and at the center...God !! I am on my way... I am walking through the grief of losing my dear Marvin. I will survive ! I will keep going until God takes me home !!

Ok... on the lighter side here is a silly picture ,also from my art journal. This is of a whimsical girl,dressed as a bunny with her child close behind. Traveling up the yellow brick road headed home. Lol !! What can I say? lol !!

And last but not least a small 6x6 canvas I did which will be for sale when I get my Etsy shop set up ! lol !! Again the scan does not do it justice...but until the camera and I get on speaking terms again.. here it is...

It's title is Love Deeply.
Well my friends this entry did not end up as long as I thought it would. But I hope you get something from it. Please leave your comments.. you know I love hearing from you !!
Til next time....
hugs...