This Zentangle is to honor Marvin and our love. Titled "King of my Heart "I feel the need to blog . To share the challenges we are facing today. I am finding each day with Marvin's Cancer a bit more challenging. The latest is he is having more difficulty breathing. He wakes up in a panic unable to catch his breath. Just walking from the van to our house winds him. It is so sad to see this strong ,vibrant man be so out of control of his life. I spend many hours in tears as he rests. My own health is suffering and to be honest I am exhausted! We spent 3 days at our daughter, Angi's with her hubby, Jason and our grand babies, Connor and Trinity. That was a wonderful break for me as Angi is an RN so I could relax and let her take care of Daddy for a while. He of course lights up like a Christmas tree being there and spending time with them. As do I ! It was Trinity's 3rd birthday so it was a lot of fun seeing her so excited and happy. Connor is a special needs child and has so many challenges, but he loves his Poppy and Meme. For whatever reason he is so good with me and calms easily when I hold him and sing to him to calm him. He is 6 but can not speak, well anything you can understand, he will probably always be in diapers and has many physical challenges. But he is a fighter and keeps surprising us with new ways to get his point across. You could not find a more loving child that blesses our socks off each time we are together. Poppy and Meme love you so much Connor and Trinity !!!
I am in turmoil as to what the next step in Marvin's care will be. Bring in Hospice, private home health care ? He does not like having his space invaded by nursing staff. We had home health care before and he just did not like having them here ! But I can no longer do it all. Whinnnnnnnn... yes I am ! I know that I will find the right thing to do when I talk to his case manager again on Monday. I am just loosing sleep over this and wearing myself down with worries. I do have a strong faith and I know that all will happen for a reason . I am just not understanding why Bad things happen to good people. Talked to our Pastor and even he had no good answers to comfort me or make any sense of it ! Uggggg... I guess if we knew what the future was going to dole out we would probably just say... Nope can't deal with that.. I want outta here !! LOL!!! Trying to lighten up this blog entry.. not working so well is it ?
I am also saddened that so many of our friends just stay away. They don't know what to say so they just stay away and don't say anything. I am blessed to have made many new friends that are a great source of comfort and inspiration through my art on flickr. http://www.flickr.com/photos/rose-twofeather/
Thank you all for being there and for all the encouraging letters and comments on my artwork. I am deeply grateful for each of you ! You rock my world !!!
It is time I get off this computer and go do just that.. create a new piece of art ! Love doing that and sharing with others.
Hugs to you all.....
Kristy
I hope Marvin will understand the need for the nursing staff. You'll end up in the hospital yourself if you don't get help. Perhaps you could work out something where they are there at least part time.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure it helps to try and understand why things happen the way they do. It might be a relief to know the reason, something to hang on to, but I suspect it is beyond our ken.
I'm glad you did get a break and spent some happy time with your family. I hope you can roll out the memories and use them as a comfort when needed.
A beautiful tangle, I love the crown. I can only try to understand your daily challenges but do know what a delight grandchildren are, my two, Heidi (6) and Samuel (4) had a sleep over with us Friday night, we snuggled in bed and zentangled together, such a special treat!
ReplyDeleteLove and hugs
Michele
I used to work for Odyssey hospice, I'm an RN. Most of the time the nurses wore regular clothes to be "non clinical" like. I think this service is an amazing thing. Just used it recently for our dad. They were a God send. I know this is a hard decision for you but you have to take care of you. I wish I knew something brilliant to say to help you through this tough time. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteThank you all for posting. It is so nice to know I am not alone. Marvin spends a lot of time sleeping or sitting in a daze with all of the pain meds he is on. So there are days I just feel so all alone. Many of our friends just stay away. They don't know what to say so they just don't say anything. I have come to know I have so many friends through sharing my art. You are all such a blessing to me. You have no idea what it means to me !!! Hugs to you all !!!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your heartache, Kristy. I know there are no words that could ever help ease the pain, but know you're in my thoughts. Keep expressing yourself through your art...I have a feeling that will help you make it through many days ahead. (((HUGS)))
ReplyDelete