Heart Break !!

Hello dear blog !

My heart is breaking. How do I even enter this? One word.. one breath at a time Kristy !! Ok friends and family here I go... This past Thursday we received some of the hardest news I have ever heard. Marvin's cancer has spread to his ribs and spine ! We have chosen no more treatments,texts, etc. We now have Hospice in place and begin our journey through the end of his life here on earth . I have no idea how we will get through this.. except by God's grace and the love and support of family and our amazing friends all over the world. We are blessed having each of you as we walk this path. I am still a bit in shock and have no idea how I got through making the decisions that we did. But.. I did and I will continue to stand by My dear Husband to the end and hold him when he leaves this earth and goes to a far better place ! Oh.. tears again !!

Marvin is amazing to me. He is still standing tall in his faith. He is still trying to protect me. Still telling me how much he loves me and is so worried about me . How he can do this is beyond any love I have ever known. But I am eternally grateful for the love we have shared and the blessing he is in my life. I love you Honey !!! More tears.... uhhh...

My art is scattered and just has no life at this time. I guess it is showing my heart.. dark, sad,lost,confused,afraid,full of tears and pain. Oh.. please take this pain away. Please!!!

To all of my amazing online friends at Flickr and Facebook... you ROCK !!! You will never know how much your emails mean to me. Each of you have given us a piece of your heart and encouraged us with your love and support. I may not be around as much , but I am here where I should be... at Marvin's side and doing everything I can to bring him joy and ease his pain.

Hugs and love to you all !!!
Kristy

LIfe and it's daily Challenges

This Zentangle is to honor Marvin and our love. Titled "King of my Heart "


I feel the need to blog . To share the challenges we are facing today. I am finding each day with Marvin's Cancer a bit more challenging. The latest is he is having more difficulty breathing. He wakes up in a panic unable to catch his breath. Just walking from the van to our house winds him. It is so sad to see this strong ,vibrant man be so out of control of his life. I spend many hours in tears as he rests. My own health is suffering and to be honest I am exhausted! We spent 3 days at our daughter, Angi's with her hubby, Jason and our grand babies, Connor and Trinity. That was a wonderful break for me as Angi is an RN so I could relax and let her take care of Daddy for a while. He of course lights up like a Christmas tree being there and spending time with them. As do I ! It was Trinity's 3rd birthday so it was a lot of fun seeing her so excited and happy. Connor is a special needs child and has so many challenges, but he loves his Poppy and Meme. For whatever reason he is so good with me and calms easily when I hold him and sing to him to calm him. He is 6 but can not speak, well anything you can understand, he will probably always be in diapers and has many physical challenges. But he is a fighter and keeps surprising us with new ways to get his point across. You could not find a more loving child that blesses our socks off each time we are together. Poppy and Meme love you so much Connor and Trinity !!!

I am in turmoil as to what the next step in Marvin's care will be. Bring in Hospice, private home health care ? He does not like having his space invaded by nursing staff. We had home health care before and he just did not like having them here ! But I can no longer do it all. Whinnnnnnnn... yes I am ! I know that I will find the right thing to do when I talk to his case manager again on Monday. I am just loosing sleep over this and wearing myself down with worries. I do have a strong faith and I know that all will happen for a reason . I am just not understanding why Bad things happen to good people. Talked to our Pastor and even he had no good answers to comfort me or make any sense of it ! Uggggg... I guess if we knew what the future was going to dole out we would probably just say... Nope can't deal with that.. I want outta here !! LOL!!! Trying to lighten up this blog entry.. not working so well is it ?

I am also saddened that so many of our friends just stay away. They don't know what to say so they just stay away and don't say anything. I am blessed to have made many new friends that are a great source of comfort and inspiration through my art on flickr. http://www.flickr.com/photos/rose-twofeather/

Thank you all for being there and for all the encouraging letters and comments on my artwork. I am deeply grateful for each of you ! You rock my world !!!

It is time I get off this computer and go do just that.. create a new piece of art ! Love doing that and sharing with others.

Hugs to you all.....

Kristy