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Dedicated to my Husband ,Marvin, who lost his battle to Mesothelioma July 14th,2010.

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Thursday, April 5, 2012

My Intentions for life.....

Hello Beautiful Blogland, beautiful friends and family ! Yes.. I am alive !! lol!! I am finally here to post something on my forgotten blog, not really forgotten, just havent known what to share. My life went into another tail spin. Long story short... I met a man, turns out he was a conman.. drained my bank account and left me standing at the airport with my sign ! Enough said !! I will say this.. it was a HUGE life lesson !! As my dear son, Justin, says..." Momma.. all that you have gone through in your life, it has only made you stonger and the amazing Momma and woman you are today !!" I sure did something right raising him to become the wonderful man, husband, teacher, son, friend that he is. I love you Justin Ryan... with all I am !! I layed around for days licking my wounds so to speak. During the quiet time of tears, turning off my cell phone, prayer and reflection I have come to a HUGE decision about what I want for my life. I am putting my intentions out there for the world to hear. It is time I leave the farm Marvin and I have lived on for 16 years. After his death in July of 2010 I swore I would die in this old house on this farm... alone. So much more has happened but I wont bore you with all that ! lol !! When Marvin passed away my hopes and dreams died with him. Through my withdrawl from the world I realized those were our hopes, our dreams.. not mine alone ! (AHHH HAAA MOMENT) ! So I gathered paper and pen and began brainstorming about what I want for my life to be without him. What I am passionate about? What do I want with the rest of my journey on this earth? Where do I really want to be living? Who do I need to be near? What would make me happy? So... this is what I have discovered through days and weeks of soul searching... MY INTENTIONS... 1. IT is time to sell the farm and move down to be closer to my only child , Justin, and his wife. ITS TIME !! 2. I don't need a man to make me happy... I had true love, more than some people ever have. It's time for me to have a home that is full of what I love, what makes me happy and comfortable. 3. It's time to put my art out there ! For the past 15 months I have taken so many online art courses. Trying to find the medium and style I love to work on. I caught my self trying to copy someone elses style.. WRONG !! Out of the blue I got an email from a sweet woman that had stumbled on my blog. She took the time to stop surfing and send me a private email encouraging me to start blogging again. She saw my style.. MY STYLE... in the few pieces I have shared here. Thank you so much Connie !! So, Since that email I have been working in my handbound art journal everyday, sometimes several times a day. Now I have been asked to be a part of an artshow and sale. I am so excited !! I am taking this chance to put myself, my art and my world out there !! 4. I have a list of places that I want to travel to and spend time. I am going to make it happen !! Don't know where at this moment, I have to narrow it down... But I will be traveling to do something I have always wanted to do !!! Wooop wooop !!! 5. I am going to re-learn ( Is that even a word? lol !) playing guitar. I bought myself a brand new accoustic and I am going to play and sing again !! La la la lala la !! LOL!! 6. I am going to dream BIG... I am going to FLY again !!! My wings may have been clipped by the circumstances of my life.. but baby.. hang on.. cause this girl is ready to fly on the winds of life and make her dreams come true ! MY DREAMS !!! 7. I am going to spend time in prayer and meditation daily. Drawing closer to the Creator ! 8. I am going to listen to my body and care for it better. ( I have lost 84 pounds in 8 months !! One more size and I will be back to what I wore in high school !! Woo hoo!! ) I live with daily pain from my spinal issues. That is part of my life. All I have left is to an extreme surgery that would require months and months of rehab. Been to specialist after specialist all coming to the same conclusion. Im not ready to be down for such a long time. So my primary care Dr and I agree... there will come a time where the numbness I have come and go in my left side with always be there. There will come a time when I will lose control of my bowel and bladder. That time has not come.. so I will do what I can to keep going until that time comes. Maybe by then there will be a new answer to my disabling Spinal issues. So self care !! 9. I am going to love my family and friends and cherish every moment we have together!! 10. I am going to start blogging once a week for now and more frequently if needed. These are a few of the intentions I am sending to God, our Creator, and to the world.. sending them on the wind of blogland !! Thank you for sitting through this long post! Thank you for being here and listening !! Hugs to all......... Kristy... aka Rosie... Rose Twofeather

1 comment:

  1. Oh dear Rose Twofeather, sifting through what's good or bad in people is hard when you are so giving yourself. You are right, move on to the next stage in your special life. Blossom with the springtime and bloom!!! Be careful, take your time with small jumps, enjoy the powerful feeling of your own spirit. Love and big hugs!