A little tough stuff and a whole lotta love

Today I walk through a bit of tough stuff. You know those moments in our life that really change our course in life. For me the toughest moment was 9 months ago today. I lost the love of my life,my best friend,my lover,my darling husband Marvin. 9 months ago he lost his fight to Mesothelioma all to young. He left my children and I here at home and in our arms,tears,joys and fears. How can you find joy in your husband dying in your arms you may ask! Here is what I know for sure... he suffered far to long and far to much. In that moment a peace came over him. The moaning stopped and he was free. Joy came from knowing how much he loved the Lord. He had told so many of his faith. Our pastor was here the week before his passing. He and Marvin had a long talk out on our old front porch. I learned the day of Marvin's Celebration of life service that Pastor Terry asked him if he knew the Lord. One of those things Pastor already knew.. but he had to ask. Pastor told us that day that when he asked Marvin, he smiled his big amazing smile and said "Oh yes Brother Terry. Oh yes I do. I love Him and I know I'll see Jesus face to face." For me the joy came from knowing he would be waiting for me at heaven's door. The joy of knowing he was no longer suffering and was meeting our Jesus face to face. How can you not feel joy? Was it painful? Of course,but the pain of his loss was easier somehow knowing of his faith and knowing he was safe and free. I feel my Marvin now around me. I feel him as a gentle breeze that touches my face when I need it the most. I see him in the pink sunsets,just as God sent me the night of his passing. I see him in every dragonfly that I see or create. I know some of you have not heard that story so I will post just a bit of the dragonfly story...The night before Marvin passed away (actually about 3 a.m.) My 2 grown children were sitting on our front porch with only a soft light on in our gazebo. Angi looked up and said "Momma, Justin look... Look !! There is a huge dragonfly under the porch light. We thought she was crazy. Well.. she was not. There under the light was the biggest,most beautiful dragonfly we had ever seen. Angi said "Wow Momma it's Daddys jet plane coming to take him to heaven!" The night passed with us going in and out and the dragonfly never moved. At 8:11,July 14th,2010, Marvin passed away in our arms. When Hospice arrived we had to leave them with Marvin. We went to the porch and the dragonfly looked at us and flew away. His mission was over. Now in every dragonfly we see our angel. With every message we send to eachother we sign it Dragonfly Kisses.

Ok.. now I just have to share something that so touched my heart today. Leslie over at http://wordsofmeproject.blogspot.com/ so touched me with her post and having me on her list of favorite blogs. She told how my little blog had touched her heart. Wow... Girls.. you just never know who sharing your life experiences may touch another. I am so blessed. So very,very blessed !! Hugs n love to you Leslie !!

So for today...here are a few pics of my Marvin,my amazing family and who knows what else! lol!! Enjoy !!

Our daughter Angi and our grandbabies,Connor and Trinity

Our son Justin

Marvin and Angie on his 54th birthday

My little girls, Angel and Annie

til next time.....
dragonfly kisses and great big hugs...

Finding new hope

Hello my friends !!
I hope you will sit a spell and hang on tight...this could be a long entry. I hope you hang on til the end.
Where do I start? Ok... well I will start with saying I am on an amazing journey. As I posted before I am taking art classes and having a blast. I love when I am in my little studio and have paint,ink,gel medium,watercolors all over me ! lol ! Ok.. well my hands at least. I am at peace when I create my art pieces,work in my art journal and on canvases. On April 5th I began another amazing journey through the Brave Girls Club I belong to. The course is called Soul Restoration. It combines art with a whole lot of soul searching . Just what I needed. I won't go into a lot of details about the course,I'm not supposed to. But I can share this with you . I am finding Hope,peace,joy and understanding. I had a heart to heart with my BFF this weekend and she made me realize that I have been stuck in my grief. Just going through the motions,believing so many lies such as I'm alone and will be for the rest of my life. Or... I'm not good enough because...!! You get the picture. Through just the first week of Soul Restoration I have had a huge breakthrough. I realized that at the center of my issues was this one statement... I am ALONE! It is one of my biggest fears. By clothing myself with that statement it has made me shut people out of my life. Not like myself. Feel so unloved and unlovable. Anxious,angry,depressed.. the list goes on and on. By facing the facts and the fears I am realizing... I am alone by choice ! I have pushed almost everyone but my children away. I have not been going to church since December. Ok I have the last 2 weeks... but ! I have been lost in my grief. Through art journaling,painting and writing I am finding new hope,peace,joy,laughter and so much more. I will share a picture of my art journal entry today.

I don't like the scan of this.. but my Digital camera is having issues ! Anyway.... In the heart on the right I am placing words that I am using to fill the darkness in my heart. Words like So Loved,Joy,Laughter,Peace,Beautiful,Happiness,Creative,Inspired and at the center...God !! I am on my way... I am walking through the grief of losing my dear Marvin. I will survive ! I will keep going until God takes me home !!

Ok... on the lighter side here is a silly picture ,also from my art journal. This is of a whimsical girl,dressed as a bunny with her child close behind. Traveling up the yellow brick road headed home. Lol !! What can I say? lol !!

And last but not least a small 6x6 canvas I did which will be for sale when I get my Etsy shop set up ! lol !! Again the scan does not do it justice...but until the camera and I get on speaking terms again.. here it is...

It's title is Love Deeply.
Well my friends this entry did not end up as long as I thought it would. But I hope you get something from it. Please leave your comments.. you know I love hearing from you !!
Til next time....
hugs...

Whole lot of creating and soul searching going on

Hello my beautiful friends !! I have been MIA for a few very good reasons. First...We have been on a weather rollercoaster here and having Fibromyalgia,arthritis and a spinal disorder.. well lets just say I have been in so much pain. On a 1-10 scale.. it has been a 24! So having to take too many pain pills to keep me going. Going from the bed to the recliner,which has heat and vibrate on it. When the pills kick in I am off to my studio to create as long as I can handle it. I have changed my diet so much,following others prompts who have Fibro. Well after 3 weeks,lets just say... not seeing much change at all. But will keep trying.

Second... on the creative,art classes, soul searching side. I have been happily busy taking 6 classes. I am finished with one and started a new one yesterday. I am learning so much and so happy I took the plung and dove in. Following a life long dream and getting amazing feedback. Counting my blessings and thanking God for this gift. My camera is being stupid (Could be the medicated operator) so do not have pictures to post ready. That will come very soon.

The latest class I a taking is amazing. It is from Melody and Kathy over at Brave Girls Club. It's called Soul Restoration. It combines art,heart and healing. It is only the 2nd day and I love it !!! I would recommend to any girl (Young or old) to take this course. It is 8 weeks long and packed full of great videos,PDF's and a classroom to cheer eachother and eventually post some of our work. I love this so much !! You can check it out here...

I am also taking a course by Amanda over at Kind over Matter...She has a course going that also makes you think and search your heart and soul. Adding in fun art prompts and journal prompts. Amanda is an awesome young lady full of inspiration.

I continue in my classes over at willowing.org and love,love ,love Tam and her amazing way of teaching. Her amazing gift and her beautiful self are so inspiring. Learning so much and having so much fun.

Well, off to finish up a piece of artwork that has been drying. Then I am off to bed early. Worn out !!! Check back on Monday, I hope to have pictures to share and more links to things I have coming up.

Thank you so much for you sweet comments and welcome to my Brave Girl followers... you rock !!! To my MJF Sisters... I have not forgotten you . Check in everyday, just not as much time to comment as before !!!
Hugs to you all.... Kristy