1. I have fallen short in my relationship with God. He is my strength and I have walked away in my grief. I need Him in my life. I am nothing without Him. I will spend more time in His presence ,without distraction.
2. BIG CONFESSION AHEAD... I am a smoker. I started back when Marvin go the news that there was no more hope for him. I need to quit. Leave it behind forever. Agaia, I am weak. I was doing it when I felt so sick. I'm beginning to feel better and I am back to almost a pack a day. Reminding self of the health issues. The expense that I could do something wonderful with that money. I need prayer .I need to lean on God to get me through this.
3. My creative self died when Marvin did. I had not picked up a brush,pen,paper or even doodled on a grocery receipt. So.. my muse is returning. I am making a commitment to complete a challenge. I am a part of the Sketchbook Challenge.. (There is a button on the left that you can check it out ) It is a monthly challenge. A theme is posted on the first of each month for a year. I have nearly completed my entry for January. ( Keep coming back I will post it here. ) I will be picking up different mediums and trying new things. Creating feeds my soul. It is a God given gift. It's time to explore more into that part of me and then use it for good in some way.
4. I need to get my drivers license. I had stopped driving because of health issues and Panic attacks. I am alone,out in the country and many times I am in need of something or just want to get out of this house . No one is available so I am here for days on end with no way to escape. I need to get my ducks in a row. Put behind my fears and JUST DO IT !! Scared...YES..as I post my hands are shaking. But, for my sanity I must do it.
5. I need to dream again. I need to think in terms of myself. What I want with the remander of my life. WOW..it feels like I am going into a foreign country all alone. But... without dreams I will just living without purpose,dreams or goals.
6. I want to clean up,get rid of things and down size. I don't need all this stuff. It is crazy. I am going to learn to live simply. To be eco friendly, To recycle more.
7. I am going to learn to eat healthier and cook for myself more. I have fallen into the habit of getting frozen foods and heating and going. I do eat a lot of fruits and veggies. I do eat whole grain breads and light dressings but I know that is not enough.
I think that is a lot to put out here. Maybe no one is reading my blog because I have been Suzie downer for nearly 6 months now. But I put if our there for myself more than anything, I need to put myself as a priority. God being 1st in my life.
There it is.. out there for all to see. This is what I have become .The list is the beginning to what I WILL BECOME in 2011. I ask for your prayers,words of encouragement and ideas you may have.
Hugs and blessings....
Kristy
Here I am with my precious granddaughter Trinity. I have changed since then I've cut my hair short, gotten contacts and lost some weight. Just wanted to post this pic as inspiration for myself.
I think you need to take it easy on yourself. It has only been a few months. I doubt people are really avoiding you but you do sound depressed a bit. That makes you feel like people are avoiding you. It makes you have all sorts of feelings and it sucks creativity right out of you. I would talk to your doctor about it. Hugs, Lisa
ReplyDeleteIt is natural to become depressed when you lose your husband who is really your whole world anyway and especially after a long time taking care of someone and getting run down. Our immune system is linked to depression.