Today marks 5 months since my loving Husband Marvin passed away. Each month on the 14th I sort of fall apart and remember his last moments of life. I must say...He did it his way ! He passed peacefully in our daughter,sons and my arms. Looking out the front window onto the front porch and into the beautiful garden he and I created . He loved sitting on the front porch and having his morning cigarette and his coffee. Even in the dead of winter I would find him there in his warm coat,hat and gloves. I sometimes think I still see him sitting there or smell his scent on the wind. This months anniversary is especially hard. The holidays are so lonely without him. Everyday is but the holidays are really knocking me down. I am sitting here in tears as I write. I just can't get it together today. How do I go on ? What I am I to do with the rest of my life? All my dreams left the day he went to heaven. I'm trying... I really am. But it's so hard. So hard to never feel his touch, to hear him say I love you honey. To never have his arms to comfort me when the tears begin to fall. It's just so hard. So...what am I to do? I don't know !!
In my last post I spoke of my muse returning. Well, she did...briefly. I managed to create a few special cards and write to my new MJF penpal. I began a piece of artwork today that had been layed on my heart to do. It felt so good, until a tear began to roll down my cheek. The missing Marvin set in and my muse flew out the window. If you see her... could you point her in my direction please !!
I have got to do something to pull myself out of this !! Yep,yep I do. But how? I dunno my friends... I dunno !! Ideas? Talk to me !!!