Story of the dragonfly

I can't sleep so I decided to get on my laptop and write the story of how the dragonfly has come to be so special to my family and I. Some of you might want a hanky !! lol !!

The last three days that Marvin was alive were really tough to say the least. I was blessed to have our daughter ,Angi, show up to help me with Marvin. We had him here at home and I was running in empty. Angi is a registered nurse and works on aa Pediatric ICU unit. So dealing with Daddy seemed easy to her. Our son showed up the day after Angi. So I was blessed with help. We had family coming in and out and a few ctlose friends that wanted to see him . He was in a coma but were told he would still hear us. We all had him respond in different ways . Anyway, the last 24 hours of hia life were horrible. We took turns comforting, caring for him, living him. The night before he passed away we were all exhausted but we finally got him comfortable and Angi and I went out on the front porch to chat and get a break. Justin stayed in the house incase Marvin would become restless. I was sitting in my comfy chair in daze when Angi screams... "Momma look !!!!!! It's a huge dragonfly Momma" I thought she was nuts and had drank too much wine ! lol !! It was pitch black only the porch light was on. She kept pointing and telling me Momma look... and ran in house to get justin to show him. I don't remember what planet I must have been visiting but I didnt even look up til Justin came out and said.. Wow.. I've never seen one that big. So I finally looked where apparently my daughter had been pointing to. I about fell over ! There under the light was the biggest dragonfly any of us had ever seen. He was beautiful as well. Angi started crying and saying.. "Oh Momma it's Daddys jet plane to take him to heaven!" We were so surprised that it did not fly away with us being so close and going in and out the front door. That was about 3 am. I finally layed down about 5 and he was still there. Angi woke Justin and I up about 10 til 8 . Telling us she thought he waS about to leave us. My son had gone outside and the dragonfly was still there. We sat and prayed,talked and held and loved Marvin into heaven. At 8:13Am July 14th, 2010 Marvin got his wings....and he left on the wings of that dragonfly. Justin walked outside and the dragonfly was gone.

Now we see a dragonfly and have to smile. Daddy had to come check on us is what Angi says. We had several other things happen that I will share at some point.

The dragonfly has led me back to finding my muse!! So.. here is what I am working on...It's 9"x12"...and not complete... Please return to see what comes next....lol !!

Missing my Love

Today marks 5 months since my loving Husband Marvin passed away. Each month on the 14th I sort of fall apart and remember his last moments of life. I must say...He did it his way ! He passed peacefully in our daughter,sons and my arms. Looking out the front window onto the front porch and into the beautiful garden he and I created . He loved sitting on the front porch and having his morning cigarette and his coffee. Even in the dead of winter I would find him there in his warm coat,hat and gloves. I sometimes think I still see him sitting there or smell his scent on the wind. This months anniversary is especially hard. The holidays are so lonely without him. Everyday is but the holidays are really knocking me down. I am sitting here in tears as I write. I just can't get it together today. How do I go on ? What I am I to do with the rest of my life? All my dreams left the day he went to heaven. I'm trying... I really am. But it's so hard. So hard to never feel his touch, to hear him say I love you honey. To never have his arms to comfort me when the tears begin to fall. It's just so hard. So...what am I to do? I don't know !!

In my last post I spoke of my muse returning. Well, she did...briefly. I managed to create a few special cards and write to my new MJF penpal. I began a piece of artwork today that had been layed on my heart to do. It felt so good, until a tear began to roll down my cheek. The missing Marvin set in and my muse flew out the window. If you see her... could you point her in my direction please !!

I have got to do something to pull myself out of this !! Yep,yep I do. But how? I dunno my friends... I dunno !! Ideas? Talk to me !!!

My Muse returns !! Yes !!

Hello my dear friends ! I have been away far to long. Since my beloveds passing in July I have been all over the map emotionally,physically,mentally and spiritually. I've made a big discovery walking this path called grief. It is the hardest thing I have ever done in my 53 years of life. I do not believe that anything can prepare your for the death of your spouse. It took months to get paperwork here and there, answers cards,emails,letters and receiving visits. But...those days do come to and end. In the beginning you are numb. Going through the motions to get this and that done for the service and paperwork for everything under the sun. People keep in touch for a while then disappear. Going on with their lives and your are left alone for the first time with all there is to face. I have discovered sadly who my true friends are and thank God for them each day. But...life goes on, the bills need paid and somehow I am making my own path in this new part of my journey. This is the first time in my life I have been alone. I am beginning to see it's ups and downs very clearly. Ups...I can do what I wanna do when I wanna do it ! I can do what brings me joy for that day. I can create a new space just for me to enjoy. I stepped over into doing my own thing starting with my Christmas tree. I couldnt face the ornaments and things of Christmas's past...so... I purchased a little white tree and bought silver and pink..Lots of pink...balls and dragonfly ornaments. With on big silver dragonfly at the top representing my beloved Marvin. I love it ! It brings me joy and peace. There is a story about the dragonfly I will share on next post. Touching and teary so will wait! Anyway, in the process of doing that my Muse woke up !! Yes !! Finally ! Oh how I have missed you my friend ! Stay tuned... watch for what flies from the end of my pen,brush or who knows what !! LOL !!

I have missed you all ! But... I'm back !! Hugs to you all !!
Kristy

Marvins Service and the days since

Marvin's celebration of life service was beautiful. I and so many were touched by it. I continue to get cards and letters from folks that came speaking of how touching and moving it was . Of course there were tears of sadness and missing him, but it was also filled with love,joy and peace. Hearing our daughter stand before all those in attendance and say that she had found there was a God... well lets just say.. This Momma was thrilled !! To have his daughter find the Lord God in the midst of her Daddy's death and find the peace that comes with it. That was Marvin as well. He would lay down his life for those he loves !

I am so blessed to have a BFF Audrey that took me to the lake where they were camping to spend two days with she and her Husband, George. God sent us two nights of beautiful brilliant pink sunsets over the lake. Audrey and I just cried and smiled sitting in awe of it all. It holds special meaning for me now as God and Marvin know that I LOVE PINK !!!

Since his peaceful passing I have shared many of our favorite places near home with the family. We find peace and comfort there, by the lake off the dock or stomping around the camping area. Our daughter Angi made us laugh so hard the day of his service. We ( Angi,our daughter,Jason her husband, Tim his brother and his wife Elaine and I ) had gone to the dock . All around are signs posted... NO SWIMMING... but in classic Angi style.. she was off the bank and swimming like a fish. Hooping and hollering... I love you Daddy !! We all laughed so hard and it was so hot we were all ready to dive in after her! But this Momma was worn out and chose to live another day!! LOL!!

Now the days seem to just go by. Some days are so hard, others are full of blessings and love. The rough days... well I just get through them one moment at a time. As I write this entry I am with Angi, Jason and the grand babies, Connor and Trinity . Making new memories with out Poppy,sharing our thoughts and dreams. Talking about Daddy and the service and playing with the grand babies. Connor is our little Angel as he has severe disabilities. At 6 he is unable to talk, but boy do his eyes and hands make you know how much he loves you. He us indeed a blessing from heaven to this Meme ! Trinity is 3 and our little princess.. she rules the roost !! LOL!! Seeing Marvin's eyes looking back at me through the eyes of our grand babies... well that makes me smile and touches my heart !

Speaking of... I am being summoned by a little man wanting Meme to come outside and play in the water with them !! So .. off to create more memories and soak in the love !

See ya later then... ( Taken from the movie "Dear John"... love it !!!)
Kristy

Celebrating Marvins life...July 17th, 2010

Today at 11:00 AM ( USA Central Standard Time) we will celebrate the life of my dearest Husband Marvin. I will be surrounded by our children, family and many friends. We have a beautiful service planned for him. Doing it just as we had talked about. Just as he crossed over his way...at home looking out his favorite window looking over the porch and garden we created together. He passed at peace in our daughter Angi, son Justin and my arms. He did it his way and in God's time. He did it with dignity, grace ,tremendous strength and peacefully. What more could any of us ask for? Thanking our Hospice team from the bottom of our hearts. You made his wishes possible and gave the family and I such support and with tender loving care.

After we lay him to rest the family and I must then begin to try to live without him. How will we do it ? One day,one moment at a time and together. Supporting and loving each other. I love you babies and we will get through this !! ALWAYS...Momma

You are gone but not forgotten Honey.. never !!

Always and forever your loving wife...

Kris

Update link

Please visit Marvin's carepages for the latest updates. I simply can not share it over and over again. Thank you my friends !! Hugs !!

www.carepages.com/marvinthomas/

Heart Break !!

Hello dear blog !

My heart is breaking. How do I even enter this? One word.. one breath at a time Kristy !! Ok friends and family here I go... This past Thursday we received some of the hardest news I have ever heard. Marvin's cancer has spread to his ribs and spine ! We have chosen no more treatments,texts, etc. We now have Hospice in place and begin our journey through the end of his life here on earth . I have no idea how we will get through this.. except by God's grace and the love and support of family and our amazing friends all over the world. We are blessed having each of you as we walk this path. I am still a bit in shock and have no idea how I got through making the decisions that we did. But.. I did and I will continue to stand by My dear Husband to the end and hold him when he leaves this earth and goes to a far better place ! Oh.. tears again !!

Marvin is amazing to me. He is still standing tall in his faith. He is still trying to protect me. Still telling me how much he loves me and is so worried about me . How he can do this is beyond any love I have ever known. But I am eternally grateful for the love we have shared and the blessing he is in my life. I love you Honey !!! More tears.... uhhh...

My art is scattered and just has no life at this time. I guess it is showing my heart.. dark, sad,lost,confused,afraid,full of tears and pain. Oh.. please take this pain away. Please!!!

To all of my amazing online friends at Flickr and Facebook... you ROCK !!! You will never know how much your emails mean to me. Each of you have given us a piece of your heart and encouraged us with your love and support. I may not be around as much , but I am here where I should be... at Marvin's side and doing everything I can to bring him joy and ease his pain.

Hugs and love to you all !!!
Kristy