Welcome to the farm
Dedicated to my Husband ,Marvin, who lost his battle to Mesothelioma July 14th,2010.
All images and information are created by Kristy. All images are protected by copyright.
All images and information are created by Kristy. All images are protected by copyright.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Here's to the New Year...2011
Here's to the New Year. Here's to you and new beginnings.For bigger dreams. To memories that comfort us. For health,happiness and many blessings. Here's to creative inspiration or finding a new muse. Here's to joy unspeakable and unconditonal love. Here's to God whom I love and need in my life. Here's to pink sunsets,dragonfly kisses and lots of laughter. Here's to life !!
I came to a wonderful realization. 2010 will be behind us. In my world the sadness and the loss of my husband this year will never come again .It is now history. Yes, 2011 will be a year of healing, remembering and new beginnings. So come on 2011 !! Lol !
I must thank you all for your support,encouragement,love,laughter and shoulders to cry on. Thank you for letting me be a part of your life for a reason or a season. My hugs and love go out to each of you!
Here is a challenge I posted at MaryJanesFarm...my challenge to my sisters there was to create a bucket list for 2011. New Years resolutions and I do not get along. I usually break them before January is over ! Lol! I find that I tend to do resolutins that set me up to fail ~ So this year I am creating a Busket List or Punch list as Marvin called it. I have a brand new journal ready for 2011 and at the front I am placing my bucket list for 2011. Not my life long bucket list but for this year. I will share a few of my random additions.
I will finally get my studio set up. My little haven to create and allow my muse to run and play freely as she chooses.
I will volunteer at a food bank, community outting, or church work day at least 1 a month, More if possible.
I will spend an hour each day praying,reading my bible and meditating .
Ok... There is a start. Let me know what you come up with. Share them here if you like to spark an idea in another .
Hugs and blessings to you all...
and have a blessed,safe Happy New Year!!
Sunday, December 26, 2010
The Journey with a Japanese Journal
Here we go. So begins the journey through my Japanese Journal.I have been involved with a group on Flickr for about 2 years now. I love doing Zentangle ( See info on side bar). One of the friends I made there has a Journal addiction (Hugs Sandra...aka Molossus). She has shown several entried of her's. I finally found them and ordered 2 ! I too must admit... I am a journal addict ! ;O) ! I was blessed with an inspiration from another friend (Sandy B. at Beez in the belfry) She had posted from a journal she was doing . I left a message on her blog and she was kind enough to email me with a string idea for these journals. So... I jumped on it and here is the beginning 3 pages. There will eventually be a story written in the ribbon that goes through the journal. (When the muse for the story strikes me ! lol ) What's a Japanese Journal you ask . It is a journal that is accordian folded pages. All in a hard back cover. I found them at www.dickblick.com .They are a Moleskine product. I so love their journals... I have uhh.. several shall I say ! lol ! Many sizes to chose from. Anyway here is a picture of the first 3 pages. Keep an eye out for what comes next !!
My First Christmas In Heaven - Australian Country Music
This is a voice from heaven for me. It was writtne by a young boy dying of a brain tumor. Terry has added the music. What a blessing it is to me this year. My First Christmas without my dear husband Marvin. I heard his voice in this song !
Friday, December 24, 2010
Christmas alone
Merry Christmas everyone ! Well as I write it is not yet Christmas day here but I know it is for many of you ! This is my first Christmas without my dear husband ,Marvin. Our children and grandbabies are not going to be around so I am alone for the holiday. I am having a rough day and thought I would share some lessons I am learning this year.
1. It truly is all about Jesus birth for me this year. I will be reading the story of His birth from my Bible once again. Something I have not always taken time to do when the kids are around. My new tradition for Christmas.
2. It truly is better to give than receive.I haven't really felt like shopping or celebrating this year. But I was blessed to have a dear friend take me and together we came up with some great ideas for my adult children that refused to give me a wish list this year! lol ! I have also been able to bless a few others this season. That is a truly good feeling !
3. Along that line I am realizing that there are widows in my area that are probably spending Christmas alone as well. So for next year... I intend to so something for other widows that will be alone. Time to put on my thinking hat ! LOL !!
I pray you have a very blessed Christmas and that you will create many new memories . Hold on to those memories,as I am doing this year.
I miss you honey so very much but I know you are celebrating with the angels !! Kiss Jesus for me !
Hugs to all...
Kristy
Monday, December 20, 2010
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year to my friends and family !! I pray your holidays are filled with love,laughter,joy,peace and so many beautiful memories. I love this old card image I got from a friends site. She has really cool vintage things !! Now I just have to find the link for any of you that might enjoy it !! lol !!
Blessings and hugs ...
Kristy
aka... Rose Twofeather
Sister #2339 on MJF..Eggfarmgirl
Friday, December 17, 2010
Story of the dragonfly
I can't sleep so I decided to get on my laptop and write the story of how the dragonfly has come to be so special to my family and I. Some of you might want a hanky !! lol !!
The last three days that Marvin was alive were really tough to say the least. I was blessed to have our daughter ,Angi, show up to help me with Marvin. We had him here at home and I was running in empty. Angi is a registered nurse and works on aa Pediatric ICU unit. So dealing with Daddy seemed easy to her. Our son showed up the day after Angi. So I was blessed with help. We had family coming in and out and a few ctlose friends that wanted to see him . He was in a coma but were told he would still hear us. We all had him respond in different ways . Anyway, the last 24 hours of hia life were horrible. We took turns comforting, caring for him, living him. The night before he passed away we were all exhausted but we finally got him comfortable and Angi and I went out on the front porch to chat and get a break. Justin stayed in the house incase Marvin would become restless. I was sitting in my comfy chair in daze when Angi screams... "Momma look !!!!!! It's a huge dragonfly Momma" I thought she was nuts and had drank too much wine ! lol !! It was pitch black only the porch light was on. She kept pointing and telling me Momma look... and ran in house to get justin to show him. I don't remember what planet I must have been visiting but I didnt even look up til Justin came out and said.. Wow.. I've never seen one that big. So I finally looked where apparently my daughter had been pointing to. I about fell over ! There under the light was the biggest dragonfly any of us had ever seen. He was beautiful as well. Angi started crying and saying.. "Oh Momma it's Daddys jet plane to take him to heaven!" We were so surprised that it did not fly away with us being so close and going in and out the front door. That was about 3 am. I finally layed down about 5 and he was still there. Angi woke Justin and I up about 10 til 8 . Telling us she thought he waS about to leave us. My son had gone outside and the dragonfly was still there. We sat and prayed,talked and held and loved Marvin into heaven. At 8:13Am July 14th, 2010 Marvin got his wings....and he left on the wings of that dragonfly. Justin walked outside and the dragonfly was gone.
Now we see a dragonfly and have to smile. Daddy had to come check on us is what Angi says. We had several other things happen that I will share at some point.
The dragonfly has led me back to finding my muse!! So.. here is what I am working on...It's 9"x12"...and not complete... Please return to see what comes next....lol !!
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Missing my Love
Today marks 5 months since my loving Husband Marvin passed away. Each month on the 14th I sort of fall apart and remember his last moments of life. I must say...He did it his way ! He passed peacefully in our daughter,sons and my arms. Looking out the front window onto the front porch and into the beautiful garden he and I created . He loved sitting on the front porch and having his morning cigarette and his coffee. Even in the dead of winter I would find him there in his warm coat,hat and gloves. I sometimes think I still see him sitting there or smell his scent on the wind. This months anniversary is especially hard. The holidays are so lonely without him. Everyday is but the holidays are really knocking me down. I am sitting here in tears as I write. I just can't get it together today. How do I go on ? What I am I to do with the rest of my life? All my dreams left the day he went to heaven. I'm trying... I really am. But it's so hard. So hard to never feel his touch, to hear him say I love you honey. To never have his arms to comfort me when the tears begin to fall. It's just so hard. So...what am I to do? I don't know !!
In my last post I spoke of my muse returning. Well, she did...briefly. I managed to create a few special cards and write to my new MJF penpal. I began a piece of artwork today that had been layed on my heart to do. It felt so good, until a tear began to roll down my cheek. The missing Marvin set in and my muse flew out the window. If you see her... could you point her in my direction please !!
I have got to do something to pull myself out of this !! Yep,yep I do. But how? I dunno my friends... I dunno !! Ideas? Talk to me !!!
In my last post I spoke of my muse returning. Well, she did...briefly. I managed to create a few special cards and write to my new MJF penpal. I began a piece of artwork today that had been layed on my heart to do. It felt so good, until a tear began to roll down my cheek. The missing Marvin set in and my muse flew out the window. If you see her... could you point her in my direction please !!
I have got to do something to pull myself out of this !! Yep,yep I do. But how? I dunno my friends... I dunno !! Ideas? Talk to me !!!
Friday, December 3, 2010
My Muse returns !! Yes !!
Hello my dear friends ! I have been away far to long. Since my beloveds passing in July I have been all over the map emotionally,physically,mentally and spiritually. I've made a big discovery walking this path called grief. It is the hardest thing I have ever done in my 53 years of life. I do not believe that anything can prepare your for the death of your spouse. It took months to get paperwork here and there, answers cards,emails,letters and receiving visits. But...those days do come to and end. In the beginning you are numb. Going through the motions to get this and that done for the service and paperwork for everything under the sun. People keep in touch for a while then disappear. Going on with their lives and your are left alone for the first time with all there is to face. I have discovered sadly who my true friends are and thank God for them each day. But...life goes on, the bills need paid and somehow I am making my own path in this new part of my journey. This is the first time in my life I have been alone. I am beginning to see it's ups and downs very clearly. Ups...I can do what I wanna do when I wanna do it ! I can do what brings me joy for that day. I can create a new space just for me to enjoy. I stepped over into doing my own thing starting with my Christmas tree. I couldnt face the ornaments and things of Christmas's past...so... I purchased a little white tree and bought silver and pink..Lots of pink...balls and dragonfly ornaments. With on big silver dragonfly at the top representing my beloved Marvin. I love it ! It brings me joy and peace. There is a story about the dragonfly I will share on next post. Touching and teary so will wait! Anyway, in the process of doing that my Muse woke up !! Yes !! Finally ! Oh how I have missed you my friend ! Stay tuned... watch for what flies from the end of my pen,brush or who knows what !! LOL !!
I have missed you all ! But... I'm back !! Hugs to you all !!
Kristy
I have missed you all ! But... I'm back !! Hugs to you all !!
Kristy
Monday, July 26, 2010
Marvins Service and the days since
Marvin's celebration of life service was beautiful. I and so many were touched by it. I continue to get cards and letters from folks that came speaking of how touching and moving it was . Of course there were tears of sadness and missing him, but it was also filled with love,joy and peace. Hearing our daughter stand before all those in attendance and say that she had found there was a God... well lets just say.. This Momma was thrilled !! To have his daughter find the Lord God in the midst of her Daddy's death and find the peace that comes with it. That was Marvin as well. He would lay down his life for those he loves !
I am so blessed to have a BFF Audrey that took me to the lake where they were camping to spend two days with she and her Husband, George. God sent us two nights of beautiful brilliant pink sunsets over the lake. Audrey and I just cried and smiled sitting in awe of it all. It holds special meaning for me now as God and Marvin know that I LOVE PINK !!!
Since his peaceful passing I have shared many of our favorite places near home with the family. We find peace and comfort there, by the lake off the dock or stomping around the camping area. Our daughter Angi made us laugh so hard the day of his service. We ( Angi,our daughter,Jason her husband, Tim his brother and his wife Elaine and I ) had gone to the dock . All around are signs posted... NO SWIMMING... but in classic Angi style.. she was off the bank and swimming like a fish. Hooping and hollering... I love you Daddy !! We all laughed so hard and it was so hot we were all ready to dive in after her! But this Momma was worn out and chose to live another day!! LOL!!
Now the days seem to just go by. Some days are so hard, others are full of blessings and love. The rough days... well I just get through them one moment at a time. As I write this entry I am with Angi, Jason and the grand babies, Connor and Trinity . Making new memories with out Poppy,sharing our thoughts and dreams. Talking about Daddy and the service and playing with the grand babies. Connor is our little Angel as he has severe disabilities. At 6 he is unable to talk, but boy do his eyes and hands make you know how much he loves you. He us indeed a blessing from heaven to this Meme ! Trinity is 3 and our little princess.. she rules the roost !! LOL!! Seeing Marvin's eyes looking back at me through the eyes of our grand babies... well that makes me smile and touches my heart !
Speaking of... I am being summoned by a little man wanting Meme to come outside and play in the water with them !! So .. off to create more memories and soak in the love !
See ya later then... ( Taken from the movie "Dear John"... love it !!!)
Kristy
I am so blessed to have a BFF Audrey that took me to the lake where they were camping to spend two days with she and her Husband, George. God sent us two nights of beautiful brilliant pink sunsets over the lake. Audrey and I just cried and smiled sitting in awe of it all. It holds special meaning for me now as God and Marvin know that I LOVE PINK !!!
Since his peaceful passing I have shared many of our favorite places near home with the family. We find peace and comfort there, by the lake off the dock or stomping around the camping area. Our daughter Angi made us laugh so hard the day of his service. We ( Angi,our daughter,Jason her husband, Tim his brother and his wife Elaine and I ) had gone to the dock . All around are signs posted... NO SWIMMING... but in classic Angi style.. she was off the bank and swimming like a fish. Hooping and hollering... I love you Daddy !! We all laughed so hard and it was so hot we were all ready to dive in after her! But this Momma was worn out and chose to live another day!! LOL!!
Now the days seem to just go by. Some days are so hard, others are full of blessings and love. The rough days... well I just get through them one moment at a time. As I write this entry I am with Angi, Jason and the grand babies, Connor and Trinity . Making new memories with out Poppy,sharing our thoughts and dreams. Talking about Daddy and the service and playing with the grand babies. Connor is our little Angel as he has severe disabilities. At 6 he is unable to talk, but boy do his eyes and hands make you know how much he loves you. He us indeed a blessing from heaven to this Meme ! Trinity is 3 and our little princess.. she rules the roost !! LOL!! Seeing Marvin's eyes looking back at me through the eyes of our grand babies... well that makes me smile and touches my heart !
Speaking of... I am being summoned by a little man wanting Meme to come outside and play in the water with them !! So .. off to create more memories and soak in the love !
See ya later then... ( Taken from the movie "Dear John"... love it !!!)
Kristy
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Celebrating Marvins life...July 17th, 2010
Today at 11:00 AM ( USA Central Standard Time) we will celebrate the life of my dearest Husband Marvin. I will be surrounded by our children, family and many friends. We have a beautiful service planned for him. Doing it just as we had talked about. Just as he crossed over his way...at home looking out his favorite window looking over the porch and garden we created together. He passed at peace in our daughter Angi, son Justin and my arms. He did it his way and in God's time. He did it with dignity, grace ,tremendous strength and peacefully. What more could any of us ask for? Thanking our Hospice team from the bottom of our hearts. You made his wishes possible and gave the family and I such support and with tender loving care.
After we lay him to rest the family and I must then begin to try to live without him. How will we do it ? One day,one moment at a time and together. Supporting and loving each other. I love you babies and we will get through this !! ALWAYS...Momma
You are gone but not forgotten Honey.. never !!
Always and forever your loving wife...
Kris
Monday, July 12, 2010
Update link
Please visit Marvin's carepages for the latest updates. I simply can not share it over and over again. Thank you my friends !! Hugs !!
www.carepages.com/marvinthomas/
www.carepages.com/marvinthomas/
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Heart Break !!
Hello dear blog !
My heart is breaking. How do I even enter this? One word.. one breath at a time Kristy !! Ok friends and family here I go... This past Thursday we received some of the hardest news I have ever heard. Marvin's cancer has spread to his ribs and spine ! We have chosen no more treatments,texts, etc. We now have Hospice in place and begin our journey through the end of his life here on earth . I have no idea how we will get through this.. except by God's grace and the love and support of family and our amazing friends all over the world. We are blessed having each of you as we walk this path. I am still a bit in shock and have no idea how I got through making the decisions that we did. But.. I did and I will continue to stand by My dear Husband to the end and hold him when he leaves this earth and goes to a far better place ! Oh.. tears again !!
Marvin is amazing to me. He is still standing tall in his faith. He is still trying to protect me. Still telling me how much he loves me and is so worried about me . How he can do this is beyond any love I have ever known. But I am eternally grateful for the love we have shared and the blessing he is in my life. I love you Honey !!! More tears.... uhhh...
My art is scattered and just has no life at this time. I guess it is showing my heart.. dark, sad,lost,confused,afraid,full of tears and pain. Oh.. please take this pain away. Please!!!
To all of my amazing online friends at Flickr and Facebook... you ROCK !!! You will never know how much your emails mean to me. Each of you have given us a piece of your heart and encouraged us with your love and support. I may not be around as much , but I am here where I should be... at Marvin's side and doing everything I can to bring him joy and ease his pain.
Hugs and love to you all !!!
Kristy
My heart is breaking. How do I even enter this? One word.. one breath at a time Kristy !! Ok friends and family here I go... This past Thursday we received some of the hardest news I have ever heard. Marvin's cancer has spread to his ribs and spine ! We have chosen no more treatments,texts, etc. We now have Hospice in place and begin our journey through the end of his life here on earth . I have no idea how we will get through this.. except by God's grace and the love and support of family and our amazing friends all over the world. We are blessed having each of you as we walk this path. I am still a bit in shock and have no idea how I got through making the decisions that we did. But.. I did and I will continue to stand by My dear Husband to the end and hold him when he leaves this earth and goes to a far better place ! Oh.. tears again !!
Marvin is amazing to me. He is still standing tall in his faith. He is still trying to protect me. Still telling me how much he loves me and is so worried about me . How he can do this is beyond any love I have ever known. But I am eternally grateful for the love we have shared and the blessing he is in my life. I love you Honey !!! More tears.... uhhh...
My art is scattered and just has no life at this time. I guess it is showing my heart.. dark, sad,lost,confused,afraid,full of tears and pain. Oh.. please take this pain away. Please!!!
To all of my amazing online friends at Flickr and Facebook... you ROCK !!! You will never know how much your emails mean to me. Each of you have given us a piece of your heart and encouraged us with your love and support. I may not be around as much , but I am here where I should be... at Marvin's side and doing everything I can to bring him joy and ease his pain.
Hugs and love to you all !!!
Kristy
Friday, June 4, 2010
This journey is beating me down !!
Hello friends and family !
I don't have any art to post today, just a note from my heart ! I am being beaten down with all that is going on with my dear Marvin . His pain is 24/7 now. Yesterday was another day seeing his Dr's. They have upped his Morphine and added a few others to help with other issues he now must deal with . Praying that these changes will give him better relief and sleep. That would be a blessing for both of us ! He took a fall 2 weeks ago and we ended up back in the hospital. Pneumonia in both lungs and a bowl obstruction ! Poor dear man ! Now the Dr's fear that it may be tumors popping up and not pneumonia ! Oh dear Lord.. please NO! So we will be coming back to KC for another MRI and pray for NO MORE TUMORS !
I am worn out at best. I also stopped smoking... what a stupid idea while going through this, but... I did it! Gag at the thought of them now ! Yeah me !! LOL!! I had a bad spell with depression, anger,frustration and just plain not giving a hoot ! But, I am blessed to have a dear BFF that has big shoulders to let me cry and scream til we laugh! Thanks Sis !! My son, Justin has been a rock as well. I am so proud of you sweetie you know how much I love you... always and forever! I have not been playing of FB or drawing at all... so you know I have been down and out ! That is just unheard of... lol !! But here I am at least posting to my blog and to his carepages...which is www.carepages.com then enter MarvinThomas to catch any updates or read all about this journey. If you know any caregivers or someone dealing with Mesothelioma this is a great place where we have posted about our journey .
It is nearly 4 am so I guess I had better try and get some rest. He just layed back down so going to go cuddle in with him .
Take care my friends.... miss you all at flickr so much.. praying things will get back on track or I get the help I am praying for !!! Hugs to all...
Kristy...aka..Rose Twofeather
I don't have any art to post today, just a note from my heart ! I am being beaten down with all that is going on with my dear Marvin . His pain is 24/7 now. Yesterday was another day seeing his Dr's. They have upped his Morphine and added a few others to help with other issues he now must deal with . Praying that these changes will give him better relief and sleep. That would be a blessing for both of us ! He took a fall 2 weeks ago and we ended up back in the hospital. Pneumonia in both lungs and a bowl obstruction ! Poor dear man ! Now the Dr's fear that it may be tumors popping up and not pneumonia ! Oh dear Lord.. please NO! So we will be coming back to KC for another MRI and pray for NO MORE TUMORS !
I am worn out at best. I also stopped smoking... what a stupid idea while going through this, but... I did it! Gag at the thought of them now ! Yeah me !! LOL!! I had a bad spell with depression, anger,frustration and just plain not giving a hoot ! But, I am blessed to have a dear BFF that has big shoulders to let me cry and scream til we laugh! Thanks Sis !! My son, Justin has been a rock as well. I am so proud of you sweetie you know how much I love you... always and forever! I have not been playing of FB or drawing at all... so you know I have been down and out ! That is just unheard of... lol !! But here I am at least posting to my blog and to his carepages...which is www.carepages.com then enter MarvinThomas to catch any updates or read all about this journey. If you know any caregivers or someone dealing with Mesothelioma this is a great place where we have posted about our journey .
It is nearly 4 am so I guess I had better try and get some rest. He just layed back down so going to go cuddle in with him .
Take care my friends.... miss you all at flickr so much.. praying things will get back on track or I get the help I am praying for !!! Hugs to all...
Kristy...aka..Rose Twofeather
Monday, April 26, 2010
Zentangle from this weekend
Here is my tangle from this weekend. You have seen the one of my husband, Marvin's hand. I am doing one of each of our children and grandchildren as well in this Journal. I hope to do the grand babies, Connor and Trinity, each year on their birthday. Someone on Flickr had a great idea that I am going to try to do. To create a collage of sorts for each of the kids and their family and have it framed. as a gift. I love this idea and the kids were so tickled just seeing Marvin's complete.
I tried to do mine with a few lacier patterns in comparison to Marvin's . His seems to have a more masculine feel as I hoped it would. He just laughed when I said that saying " Well sure it looks more feminine it has PINK in it !" Pink being my favorite color ! LOL!! I added my son ,Justin Ryan's name in the heart and my Daughter Jessika Rose that never lived a day. Marvin's daughter and son are my children as well . I hate using the word Step children, they are mine now ! They call me Momma ! LOL!! I am praying hard for a new grand baby to come into my Son and his wife Angie's life . Then it will be a challenge tangling on a little tiny hand ! LOL! Can't wait !
I had better get to bed I know that Marvin will be up and down again tonight. Thank you for stopping by and leaving words of encouragement. That means so much to me .
Hugs to all,
Kristy
aka... Rose Twofeather at Flickr
I tried to do mine with a few lacier patterns in comparison to Marvin's . His seems to have a more masculine feel as I hoped it would. He just laughed when I said that saying " Well sure it looks more feminine it has PINK in it !" Pink being my favorite color ! LOL!! I added my son ,Justin Ryan's name in the heart and my Daughter Jessika Rose that never lived a day. Marvin's daughter and son are my children as well . I hate using the word Step children, they are mine now ! They call me Momma ! LOL!! I am praying hard for a new grand baby to come into my Son and his wife Angie's life . Then it will be a challenge tangling on a little tiny hand ! LOL! Can't wait !
I had better get to bed I know that Marvin will be up and down again tonight. Thank you for stopping by and leaving words of encouragement. That means so much to me .
Hugs to all,
Kristy
aka... Rose Twofeather at Flickr
Sunday, April 25, 2010
LIfe and it's daily Challenges
This Zentangle is to honor Marvin and our love. Titled "King of my Heart "
I feel the need to blog . To share the challenges we are facing today. I am finding each day with Marvin's Cancer a bit more challenging. The latest is he is having more difficulty breathing. He wakes up in a panic unable to catch his breath. Just walking from the van to our house winds him. It is so sad to see this strong ,vibrant man be so out of control of his life. I spend many hours in tears as he rests. My own health is suffering and to be honest I am exhausted! We spent 3 days at our daughter, Angi's with her hubby, Jason and our grand babies, Connor and Trinity. That was a wonderful break for me as Angi is an RN so I could relax and let her take care of Daddy for a while. He of course lights up like a Christmas tree being there and spending time with them. As do I ! It was Trinity's 3rd birthday so it was a lot of fun seeing her so excited and happy. Connor is a special needs child and has so many challenges, but he loves his Poppy and Meme. For whatever reason he is so good with me and calms easily when I hold him and sing to him to calm him. He is 6 but can not speak, well anything you can understand, he will probably always be in diapers and has many physical challenges. But he is a fighter and keeps surprising us with new ways to get his point across. You could not find a more loving child that blesses our socks off each time we are together. Poppy and Meme love you so much Connor and Trinity !!!
I feel the need to blog . To share the challenges we are facing today. I am finding each day with Marvin's Cancer a bit more challenging. The latest is he is having more difficulty breathing. He wakes up in a panic unable to catch his breath. Just walking from the van to our house winds him. It is so sad to see this strong ,vibrant man be so out of control of his life. I spend many hours in tears as he rests. My own health is suffering and to be honest I am exhausted! We spent 3 days at our daughter, Angi's with her hubby, Jason and our grand babies, Connor and Trinity. That was a wonderful break for me as Angi is an RN so I could relax and let her take care of Daddy for a while. He of course lights up like a Christmas tree being there and spending time with them. As do I ! It was Trinity's 3rd birthday so it was a lot of fun seeing her so excited and happy. Connor is a special needs child and has so many challenges, but he loves his Poppy and Meme. For whatever reason he is so good with me and calms easily when I hold him and sing to him to calm him. He is 6 but can not speak, well anything you can understand, he will probably always be in diapers and has many physical challenges. But he is a fighter and keeps surprising us with new ways to get his point across. You could not find a more loving child that blesses our socks off each time we are together. Poppy and Meme love you so much Connor and Trinity !!!
I am in turmoil as to what the next step in Marvin's care will be. Bring in Hospice, private home health care ? He does not like having his space invaded by nursing staff. We had home health care before and he just did not like having them here ! But I can no longer do it all. Whinnnnnnnn... yes I am ! I know that I will find the right thing to do when I talk to his case manager again on Monday. I am just loosing sleep over this and wearing myself down with worries. I do have a strong faith and I know that all will happen for a reason . I am just not understanding why Bad things happen to good people. Talked to our Pastor and even he had no good answers to comfort me or make any sense of it ! Uggggg... I guess if we knew what the future was going to dole out we would probably just say... Nope can't deal with that.. I want outta here !! LOL!!! Trying to lighten up this blog entry.. not working so well is it ?
I am also saddened that so many of our friends just stay away. They don't know what to say so they just stay away and don't say anything. I am blessed to have made many new friends that are a great source of comfort and inspiration through my art on flickr. http://www.flickr.com/photos/rose-twofeather/
Thank you all for being there and for all the encouraging letters and comments on my artwork. I am deeply grateful for each of you ! You rock my world !!!
It is time I get off this computer and go do just that.. create a new piece of art ! Love doing that and sharing with others.
Hugs to you all.....
Kristy
Monday, April 19, 2010
My Tangle of the day.. ok last two days !
Hello all !
I just wanted to post the tangle I have been working on for the last 2 days. I have to do it off and on as I am dealing with a lot of pain and trying to keep up with caring for Marvin . Speaking of him, please if you are a praying person, say a prayer for him to have some relief tonight (Monday April 19th, 2010) . We have been up and down all hours of the night and day for the last 4-5 days and I am wearing out ! They upped us Morphine today so I pray that will take care of it for a while . What a journey this has been !
Today's Tangle is of Marvin's left hand. I love his hands and want to always remember them. I think I scanned this and it is on it's side, but in the text that is in the journal it says how I love his hands and how they have held me, touched me, picked me up, wiped away a million tears and created so many beautiful things that make our house our home. He is a master furniture builder and does wonderful work without even making a pattern. Just gets a thought in his head and gets the wood to create it and off he goes ! AMAZING !!! Anyway, he bought me a new 8x5 1/4 Moleskine Sketchbook Journal. I love it to pieces ! In the Flickr Zentangle group several of the ladies have Zentangled in their hand print. I loved the idea but wanted to do his hand first ! He thought I had lost my mind when I first had him lay his hand in the opened journal and proceeded to lightly draw around his hand with a pencil !!! I just said " Please just sit still Honey, I will show you later what I am doing with it !" He just smiled at me and said "Ok Honey..whatever makes you happy !!" Gotta love this man ! hehehe !! He got such a kick out of watching me tangle on his hand and is really proud of what I did with it. I am too and I do not say that about my own artwork often. Well, I am my own worst critic and have battled that stinking thinking from the past "I'm not good enough... etc... ! " So I am learning to accept what I have done as good enough for today. Tomorrow I will learn more and have had more practice in Zentangle.
So here it is.. or up there it is.. I can't remember ! LOL!!! Thanks for stopping by and visit often. I hope to do more with my blogspot as time allows.
Hugs to all... Kristy.. aka Rose Twofeather at FLickr
Friday, March 26, 2010
Finally a little art !! LOL!!!
Finally, I can post some of my artwork !! We have the Internet at home now and My scanner has been humming !! LOL!! The pieces I will post on this entry are ones I just finished for a Swap. These are all ATC's (Artist Trading Cards) that measure 3 1/2 x2 1/2inches. Mini pieces of art.. lol !! I trade these with others that make ATCs from a mix of medias. It is so much fun and I have grown in my Zentangle work. I have some a great teacher that have taken me under her wing. I am blessed to call her friend now! I hope she will soon allow me to post some of her works here !! Sandra has added my pieces to her blogspot ( http://www.lifeimitatesdoodles.blogspot.com/ )several times and it really makes me smile !!! Thank you Sandra !!
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Link to my artwork !
I am not doing a good job at posting to my blogspot with my artwork ! LOL!! Technically challenges it appears ! No it is !! LOL!! So I have decided for the moment to post the link to my flickr site. There I post all my latest, traded and available to trade pieces. I also have a few that are listed as NFT... Not For Trade. Those are ones I have added to Marvin's journal. I hope to get back here and do some work on it and post pictures directly to my site. Praying I can get it to work for me. I see so many others that just post away !! Well.... I will get there !! LOL!!
Here is the link: www.flickr.com/photos/rose-twofeather/ I hope that works !!!
Now for a little update on Marvin and what is going on in our world. We have been on a journey to Dr after Dr. Wheww... still a few more to get to this week. Then I think a weeks break ! Anyway... the news is that Marvin's pain had gone sky high again. We were so hopeful after he completed 12 rounds of radiation. He was pain free for several weeks. YEA !! Then the pain came back with a vengeance! The dear man was just grey in color and having such a horrible time. He started taking the Oxycodone and Motrin again... but that did little to take away his pain. So off to the Dr's. another CT Scan,lab work,x-rays and finally a consult with the Dr. The CT shows no additional growth in the bigger tumor at the top of his lung. It had already pushed in between the ribs prior to the radiation. But it is pushing on the nerves that go into his shoulder. So they added Morphine to the other meds ! Wow... can you say... twilight Zone !! LOL!! Sad but true. Thank God it is relieving his pain and he is getting used to him. Not so much of a fruit loop, as he says, as he was when he started it. We are thankful for that. The next Drs visit is to see if they will or can take out the chest tube that he has had forever now. If they can do that we can go back for chemotherapy. That is our prayer now.
I will end this post on a high note... Last night, March 15th,2010, we went to see Bon Jovi live in concert, with our daughter Angi and son in law Jason . We had a great night !! Marvin did well keeping his pain under control and was all smiles. This was a dream for him. Angi and he love Bon Jovi and this was on his Punch List , as we call it, things he dreams of doing before he goes home to be with the Lord ! It was an amazing experience and one I will forever remember. He sat between Angi and I . I would tear up when I would see her arm around her Daddy and they would be head to head singing at the top of their lungs. The smiles and the tears were worth every painful moment !! Yes.. I was in pain !! But.. I would do it again for they joy it all brought to he and Angi! Well to Jason and I too!! LOL!! Thank you so very much for an amazing night Angi and Jason !!! We love you so very much !! HUGS, KISSES and so much LOVE !!!
Well I am off to do something.. not sure what at this point !!
Hugs and prayers...
Kristy
Here is the link: www.flickr.com/photos/rose-twofeather/ I hope that works !!!
Now for a little update on Marvin and what is going on in our world. We have been on a journey to Dr after Dr. Wheww... still a few more to get to this week. Then I think a weeks break ! Anyway... the news is that Marvin's pain had gone sky high again. We were so hopeful after he completed 12 rounds of radiation. He was pain free for several weeks. YEA !! Then the pain came back with a vengeance! The dear man was just grey in color and having such a horrible time. He started taking the Oxycodone and Motrin again... but that did little to take away his pain. So off to the Dr's. another CT Scan,lab work,x-rays and finally a consult with the Dr. The CT shows no additional growth in the bigger tumor at the top of his lung. It had already pushed in between the ribs prior to the radiation. But it is pushing on the nerves that go into his shoulder. So they added Morphine to the other meds ! Wow... can you say... twilight Zone !! LOL!! Sad but true. Thank God it is relieving his pain and he is getting used to him. Not so much of a fruit loop, as he says, as he was when he started it. We are thankful for that. The next Drs visit is to see if they will or can take out the chest tube that he has had forever now. If they can do that we can go back for chemotherapy. That is our prayer now.
I will end this post on a high note... Last night, March 15th,2010, we went to see Bon Jovi live in concert, with our daughter Angi and son in law Jason . We had a great night !! Marvin did well keeping his pain under control and was all smiles. This was a dream for him. Angi and he love Bon Jovi and this was on his Punch List , as we call it, things he dreams of doing before he goes home to be with the Lord ! It was an amazing experience and one I will forever remember. He sat between Angi and I . I would tear up when I would see her arm around her Daddy and they would be head to head singing at the top of their lungs. The smiles and the tears were worth every painful moment !! Yes.. I was in pain !! But.. I would do it again for they joy it all brought to he and Angi! Well to Jason and I too!! LOL!! Thank you so very much for an amazing night Angi and Jason !!! We love you so very much !! HUGS, KISSES and so much LOVE !!!
Well I am off to do something.. not sure what at this point !!
Hugs and prayers...
Kristy
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Where's the Art?
So I am sure you are wondering, where's the art? Well, that is coming. I am working on getting the scanner to work so I can get some better pictures of my artwork published here. I've been taking them on my phone and adding the pics ,but the ones of my art are not so clear. So working out a bug in my plan.
Now you ask , what kind of art does she do? Well, that one is a rough one to answer. I am currently doing what is called Zentangles. It is a way of drawing on paper with usually black art pens on white Watercolor paper. It is a very relaxing style of drawing that just seems to flow from you. There are several great blog spots here on BLOG SPOT that can teach you basic patterns and get you going. I have to links over on the left side of this page that take to two excellent bloggers that I am learning much from. Anyway, I have also drawn for a long time just free handed drawings in Pen and ink and added watercolor to them. So I hope to share some of them and tell the stories of how they came to be.
I have to tell you that I could not draw a good stick figure before I became very ill back in 2000. But after crawling the walls for months I finally picked up a pen, for some unknown reason, went outside and saw beautiful iris that were in bloom. I sat on a little stool in front of it and just drew what I saw. WOW ! Was all my family could say. So the next day I bought my first drawing book and so began my collection of works. Now some 6 volumes later, a few sold,many gifted and now trading with people all over the world. Here I am, healing my broken heart and putting it out there for the world to see. Through difficulties comes inspiration, emotion and release. God has given me this gift to help me heal, or carry on, through my artwork. I am disabled now, so this is the one thing I can do on good days , if it is a bad one,well it will still be there when I am feeling better.
Now I am walking on this amazing journey with my dear husband and letting my art speak and tell our story. I hope that somehow this will touch another life and encourage that person to walk on. To dare to do something they never dreamed possible. This is what has happened to me.
So this is another page in my blog. Soon as I get the bugs worked out I will post some works for you to see. You may like them and you may not. That is OK. I just want to share and reach out and touch through my art and our story with Mesothelioma Lung Cancer.
Til next post... God bless you...
Now you ask , what kind of art does she do? Well, that one is a rough one to answer. I am currently doing what is called Zentangles. It is a way of drawing on paper with usually black art pens on white Watercolor paper. It is a very relaxing style of drawing that just seems to flow from you. There are several great blog spots here on BLOG SPOT that can teach you basic patterns and get you going. I have to links over on the left side of this page that take to two excellent bloggers that I am learning much from. Anyway, I have also drawn for a long time just free handed drawings in Pen and ink and added watercolor to them. So I hope to share some of them and tell the stories of how they came to be.
I have to tell you that I could not draw a good stick figure before I became very ill back in 2000. But after crawling the walls for months I finally picked up a pen, for some unknown reason, went outside and saw beautiful iris that were in bloom. I sat on a little stool in front of it and just drew what I saw. WOW ! Was all my family could say. So the next day I bought my first drawing book and so began my collection of works. Now some 6 volumes later, a few sold,many gifted and now trading with people all over the world. Here I am, healing my broken heart and putting it out there for the world to see. Through difficulties comes inspiration, emotion and release. God has given me this gift to help me heal, or carry on, through my artwork. I am disabled now, so this is the one thing I can do on good days , if it is a bad one,well it will still be there when I am feeling better.
Now I am walking on this amazing journey with my dear husband and letting my art speak and tell our story. I hope that somehow this will touch another life and encourage that person to walk on. To dare to do something they never dreamed possible. This is what has happened to me.
So this is another page in my blog. Soon as I get the bugs worked out I will post some works for you to see. You may like them and you may not. That is OK. I just want to share and reach out and touch through my art and our story with Mesothelioma Lung Cancer.
Til next post... God bless you...
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Welcome to my little spot in the world
Welcome to my Healing Through Art blog spot. This is where I will share my story and hopefully touch another life with it. SO hold on to your seats and join me though the ride.
This blog is dedicated to my dear Husband Marvin. He is fighting for his life against Mesothelioma Lung Cancer. He is our families hero and I am so proud to be his wife. In March of 2009 an angel knocked him off a ladder at work. He landed hard on his back and shoulders , popping his head on the gound. He went to see the Dr and they took xrays to see if anything was broken. No breaks, but the found a dark spot on his right lung. The wheels were put in motion ,CTs, PET scans,needle biopsy and finally a thoracotomy to open up his back and take out samples of whatever it was. Their words , not mine. They were stumped for several days until the biopsy results came in. MESOTHELIOMA CANCER of the lung. WHAT? We had heard that term used on many TV ads. But, why Marvin? After the shock set in and we were told his outlook wasn't good. I began searching for information. And information I received !!! Mesothelioma attacks the lining around the lung and make a hard coating around it that causes the lung to not move inside the lung cavity.
Mesothelioma is from exposure to asbestos. Many of us in the 50 or even 40 year old range probably were exposed to it in our schools or homes with the old radiator systems. SO many industries used this toxic material . Things we never dreamed of until we met with out attorney and she brought a picture book to look through. Mud, that they use in home to tape the sheetrock joints,brakes on cars, the list goes on for miles . In the course of the visit with the attorney Marvin told that when he was in junior high he wrestled. During the season they would go down in the boiler room to sweat and excercise. They would be on top of the boilers,you guessed it, they were wrapped in asbestos. When they would move you could see the dust in the air. He also was exposed while with his father on constuction sites in his teens. There were many other times as we soon learned.
Well, we know the facts, now what do we do with this? We begin treatment,chemotherapy. He is in and out of the hospital 3 times to date , due to two surgeries and to infections. The last time they were ready to put him on a ventilator,he was that far gone. But, God had another plan. I cried out to God and said please don't take him from me now. He sat up and shocked us all !!! The Drs and nurses were stunned and spent a lot of time saying they just didn't understand. Well We do!! God wasn't through with him yet ! That will have to be another entry on where that has taken us. LOL!
As I start this blog, we are at our daughters to live for awhile, as he takes radiation treatments. The plan is 10 to 15 straight days, excluding weekends. Tje story and art will come at another date. Keep coming back to hear out story !!
This blog is dedicated to my dear Husband Marvin. He is fighting for his life against Mesothelioma Lung Cancer. He is our families hero and I am so proud to be his wife. In March of 2009 an angel knocked him off a ladder at work. He landed hard on his back and shoulders , popping his head on the gound. He went to see the Dr and they took xrays to see if anything was broken. No breaks, but the found a dark spot on his right lung. The wheels were put in motion ,CTs, PET scans,needle biopsy and finally a thoracotomy to open up his back and take out samples of whatever it was. Their words , not mine. They were stumped for several days until the biopsy results came in. MESOTHELIOMA CANCER of the lung. WHAT? We had heard that term used on many TV ads. But, why Marvin? After the shock set in and we were told his outlook wasn't good. I began searching for information. And information I received !!! Mesothelioma attacks the lining around the lung and make a hard coating around it that causes the lung to not move inside the lung cavity.
Mesothelioma is from exposure to asbestos. Many of us in the 50 or even 40 year old range probably were exposed to it in our schools or homes with the old radiator systems. SO many industries used this toxic material . Things we never dreamed of until we met with out attorney and she brought a picture book to look through. Mud, that they use in home to tape the sheetrock joints,brakes on cars, the list goes on for miles . In the course of the visit with the attorney Marvin told that when he was in junior high he wrestled. During the season they would go down in the boiler room to sweat and excercise. They would be on top of the boilers,you guessed it, they were wrapped in asbestos. When they would move you could see the dust in the air. He also was exposed while with his father on constuction sites in his teens. There were many other times as we soon learned.
Well, we know the facts, now what do we do with this? We begin treatment,chemotherapy. He is in and out of the hospital 3 times to date , due to two surgeries and to infections. The last time they were ready to put him on a ventilator,he was that far gone. But, God had another plan. I cried out to God and said please don't take him from me now. He sat up and shocked us all !!! The Drs and nurses were stunned and spent a lot of time saying they just didn't understand. Well We do!! God wasn't through with him yet ! That will have to be another entry on where that has taken us. LOL!
As I start this blog, we are at our daughters to live for awhile, as he takes radiation treatments. The plan is 10 to 15 straight days, excluding weekends. Tje story and art will come at another date. Keep coming back to hear out story !!
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